My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
