I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
