Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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