There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
