that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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