I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
