they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
