Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
