My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
