who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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