I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
