If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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