One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
