I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
