Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
