i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
