drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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