so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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