You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
