I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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