I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
