1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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