Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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