I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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