Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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