Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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