We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
