no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
