I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
