If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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