oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
