Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
