i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
