Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
