Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
