dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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