Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
