just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
