I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
