im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
