This girl is more easily done than said...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
do nipples grow back?
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