OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
