Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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