Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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