Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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