i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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