i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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