Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
