new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
