I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
